Friday, September 12, 2008

Just one circle, please


Do you remember your first multiple choice test? I remember my first official standardized exam, the California Achievement Test (CAT) administered when I was in fourth (third?) grade to see if I was eligible for honors elementary school (I should have a bumper sticker that says “tracking worked for me”). I thought the point was to finish first rather than answer the questions correctly and the result was I did so badly I was categorized as mentally retarded. But at what point quizzes, exercise sheets, exams, and all other qualitative and quantitative evaluations began to take the form of A,B,C,D, and become an integral part of our educational experience, I have no idea. It was probably about the time we learned how to read. How do you spell the word for man’s best friend? A. DAWG; B. DOG; C. DOGG; D. WALLET. Teacher feeds the sheet through the scanning machine and job done. Welcome to the American educational system as we know it.

Turkmen children don’t know how to take multiple choice tests. I found this out last week. School started last Monday and I’m starting up a whole new round of after-school English clubs. Unlike last year when I broke down clubs by grade (one for the fourth graders, another for the fifth graders, etc), this year I’m breaking them down by language level, with the 4-6 graders split into three levels of beginner, intermediate, and advanced (“advanced” in this case used rather loosely) and the 7-10 graders split along the same lines. To be fair, I made three different versions of a placement exam (no cheating) and then administered it to anyone interested in getting into the intermediate or advanced levels. It took me three days of giving this exam to finally get my directions spiel down so they understood how to take it. There are 20 questions, each question has four options (not just A or B, but C and D are also viable options), and each question has only one answer (you can’t circle all four and expect me to give you credit for finding the right one). If you circle the wrong answer, cross it out so I know it’s wrong and circle the correct one (if you circle two, don’t expect me to recognize which one you know is right). I’m not going to tell you which is the correct answer and I’m not going to translate the answers into Turkmen. And no matter how much I like you, I’m not going to give you a hint of which one is right.

Because there is the difference between exams as I give them and exams as these students have experienced them – they’re about demonstrating skills rather than making marks in a teacher’s journal to give to the regional educational department. According to all official figures you will read in world atlases or country fact and figures sheets, Turkmenistan has a 98% literacy rate. Why? Let’s look at your average English mid-term exam. The main graded section is from something called “dictation.” Students are told ahead of time which paragraph will be read to them from their textbook and then the day of the exam the teacher reads the paragraph aloud slowly and the students write what they hear. If they’re unsure of what the teacher said or about the spelling, they are welcome to ask the teacher for the translation and the spelling (which are given without reservation). If they still don’t understand, they are welcome to copy directly from the book. So, what’s actually being tested here? Oh, right, the ability to copy. Illiterate students still receive low scores, but teachers are forbidden to write the scores of failing students in their grade books. Why? It makes the school look bad, and what’s bad for the community is obviously bad for the individual student and teacher, so what’s the problem? And while we’re talking about official figures, Turkmenistan also has a low infancy death toll, no homeless people, no AIDS, no homosexuals, and no non-Muslims. Thank you, Mr. President, for giving us such a blessed and perfect country; you don’t need to change a thing.

PS – I was given a new classroom which, unlike the last one, came unfurnished. So this last week my job (besides getting these clubs started) has been to fill up the blank walls with order, design, tension, composition, balance, light, and harmony. For fellow PCV these collages could work as a “name that Newsweek issue” game. I started out intending to make them illustrations of American life, values, and personalities (notice Marilyn Monroe and Obama). But at some point in the middle of the second I realized that they’re at the back of the room where I’m the only one looking at them while teaching, so they’re ultimately about what I like to look at (can you find the Oxford University skyline? The wooden bowls were made my dad). They serve the educational function of inspiring questions and aesthetics that these students otherwise don’t have access to (other than from their satellite TVs), but mostly they serve the personal function of helping me find serenity. Oh, pictures of James McAvoy and Clive Owen, grant me the composure to teach those who wish to be taught, the strength to slap around those who wish to fart around, and the wisdom to know the difference.